Somehow I don't think I'll feel just right, until the shadows are out of sight...
Well, I said I would write again when I find out, and I have, but I'll get to that in a second. Bear with me.
Perhaps it's just the insanity that has claimed me since that mental breakdown, but I feel weird. First, I'd like to note, that it is normal for me to hate at least a few people, mostly a few SELECT people. Well, now that the snow has melted somewhat, school is in session again. I went today, riding on the bus, enjoying the "gentle" rock of the bus as it hit patch after patch of ice and who knows what else. The chains that were wrapped around the wheels clanked, creating a "soothing lullaby." Then I looked out the back window and up into the sky, watching the silver queen descend from her glorious place in the heavens. When she disappeared behind the mountain trees I turned my eyes back to my fellow students on the bus. I suddenly felt like hugging everyone, and mind you, I'm supposed to HATE several of them, and don't even know most of their names. This was when I first knew something was wrong.
When I arrived at school, though I almost walked headlong into a pole after being blinded by the lights, I was all smiles and laughs. No sarcastic comments for me today. No, I was completely happy with everyone and everything, even my reluctant to choose young love, who for some reason I now feel somehow superior to. Everyone was my friend today as far as I was concerned, any odd looks I noticed received a smile and a wave. People who normally ignored me and were returned with the same, were worried about me and the fact that I'm still sick. I actually talked to a few of them. One of my "friends" that as I have said, I am supposed to hate, has "borrowed" my Algebra book and lost it. I confronted her about it, and while she was angry, I smiled the whole time.
Even the few moments that I lapsed into coughing and couldn't breathe didn't bring me down. On the contrary, I felt different, better. I've started seeing something different in the school, a place that's both there and not at the same time. It's rather odd. I think I shall blame this on that white-haired girl and the young man dressed in chains, who I'm now starting to assume is her brother. I saw her last night, and then both of them this morning, cloaked in the shadows at the edge of the forest, only to disappear when I got closer. I wonder what they are trying to tell me...or show me, as the case may be.
Well, as I said, I am also writing this to tell you that he has found his so-called "easy way out." Mind you, I'm not complaining. As I said, nothing is bothering me, which is rather strange. He said he just wouldn't decide, and that if I wanted to leave him, then I could. I told him I don't want to, and it is the truth. I will remain with him, but as a friend. The feelings of love I had for him have turned more to feelings one has for a younger brother. In some ways I feel that is what he is to me. I still feel as if I know him, and I know there is something strange about him. But through it all I do feel that in some way he needs someone to help him. I have yet to learn what he needs help with, but when I find out, I will do all I can. Though deep feelings may change, they are never truly gone, in one form or another. I believe anyone who can earn such strong emotion from me at least deserves my protection and help. Forever friends...in one way or another.
Perhaps it's just the insanity that has claimed me since that mental breakdown, but I feel weird. First, I'd like to note, that it is normal for me to hate at least a few people, mostly a few SELECT people. Well, now that the snow has melted somewhat, school is in session again. I went today, riding on the bus, enjoying the "gentle" rock of the bus as it hit patch after patch of ice and who knows what else. The chains that were wrapped around the wheels clanked, creating a "soothing lullaby." Then I looked out the back window and up into the sky, watching the silver queen descend from her glorious place in the heavens. When she disappeared behind the mountain trees I turned my eyes back to my fellow students on the bus. I suddenly felt like hugging everyone, and mind you, I'm supposed to HATE several of them, and don't even know most of their names. This was when I first knew something was wrong.
When I arrived at school, though I almost walked headlong into a pole after being blinded by the lights, I was all smiles and laughs. No sarcastic comments for me today. No, I was completely happy with everyone and everything, even my reluctant to choose young love, who for some reason I now feel somehow superior to. Everyone was my friend today as far as I was concerned, any odd looks I noticed received a smile and a wave. People who normally ignored me and were returned with the same, were worried about me and the fact that I'm still sick. I actually talked to a few of them. One of my "friends" that as I have said, I am supposed to hate, has "borrowed" my Algebra book and lost it. I confronted her about it, and while she was angry, I smiled the whole time.
Even the few moments that I lapsed into coughing and couldn't breathe didn't bring me down. On the contrary, I felt different, better. I've started seeing something different in the school, a place that's both there and not at the same time. It's rather odd. I think I shall blame this on that white-haired girl and the young man dressed in chains, who I'm now starting to assume is her brother. I saw her last night, and then both of them this morning, cloaked in the shadows at the edge of the forest, only to disappear when I got closer. I wonder what they are trying to tell me...or show me, as the case may be.
Well, as I said, I am also writing this to tell you that he has found his so-called "easy way out." Mind you, I'm not complaining. As I said, nothing is bothering me, which is rather strange. He said he just wouldn't decide, and that if I wanted to leave him, then I could. I told him I don't want to, and it is the truth. I will remain with him, but as a friend. The feelings of love I had for him have turned more to feelings one has for a younger brother. In some ways I feel that is what he is to me. I still feel as if I know him, and I know there is something strange about him. But through it all I do feel that in some way he needs someone to help him. I have yet to learn what he needs help with, but when I find out, I will do all I can. Though deep feelings may change, they are never truly gone, in one form or another. I believe anyone who can earn such strong emotion from me at least deserves my protection and help. Forever friends...in one way or another.
Forever confused...--Malachite
posted by Malachite at 12:00 AM
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