Pretending Only Goes So Far

Pretending only goes so far. It's true, you can pretend all you want, but that doesn't make anything better. You can pretend the outside world isn't there, protect yourself in a bubble of ignorance, but the outside world can still see you, and sooner or later it will pop the bubble and you'll be in its icy grip again. I like to pretend. I'm good at it. If I try hard enough, none of my problems exist for a time, nothing bad has ever happened to me, and I am protected by people who love me and will always love me. Nothing can harm me when I pretend. Nothing can break my heart or shreds my hopes. But, as I've said, pretending only goes so far.
Remember the last problem I wrote about in my blog? The one about my boyfriend not being able to choose between my best friend and myself? Well, for a time I was happy to just pretend everything was as it was when I was ignorant, when I didn't know that he loved her too. He didn't want to choose and I was glad not to make him. I didn't want to be hurt. But then I sat in my bed last night and I realized that pretending only goes so far. I realized that though I could pretend none of this bothered me, it was slowly eating away at my soul. When I got up today I had decided, I'dd have to tell him to choose. If he doesn't choose then I will. But it seems...in trying to fix this problem I have made it worse. He says he can't choose. He claims there is an easy way out. But there really IS not easy way out of a problem like this, is there? The ways are all hard, filled with hurt, for one, or all parties involved. He hasn't told me what this way is yet. What will he do? So...this is all until I find out...but I'll leave you with this. Remember that pretending only goes so far. Don't be fooled like me.
Sincerely, Malachite