Void of Sanity

I've finally come to terms with the fact that perfection doesn't exist. When everything seems perfect, always remember, SOMETHING, even if it's not your so-called perfect object, or place, will come in and ruin it. Suppose you have a perfect secluded spot in the forest? You'll venture there one day and either find that something (bear or otherwise) that you shouldn't bother, has taken permanent residence there, or perhaps there's a sign notifying you that it is to be destroyed to make way for another useless land development. Or say you've found the "perfect love?" He or she will turn out to be out for your money, or possesions, even your life, or perhaps they are abusive, liars, or even have a taste for other men or women. Even worse...perhaps he or she is involved with your best friend. Even if they tell you about it, feeling guilty all the while, how do they expect it not to hurt, especially when they don't want to give either of you up. They can't expect to keep it that way so no one will get hurt, because in the end, everyone pays.
The illusion of "perfect" has bittin me too many times. I've always known it was an illusion, I guess I just never wanted to believe it, but it has become brutally clear that I cannot ignore the truth any longer. It bit me for the last time the other night, just when I had started believing that for once, my perfect world wasn't going to come crashing down. It sent me into another one of my rare, yet infamous to my friends, mental breakdowns. The mix of despair, depression, anger, and utter insanity had them scrambling to comfort me before they even knew what was wrong. Unfortunately, because of all of this it seems I have become lost in my own little pit, dug by none other than myself. It's dark and confusing, I never even know what I'm feeling anymore. I never know whether I'm happy or sad, depressed or angry. It seems I've gotten so used to pretending I'm happy that I think I am, or maybe I've gotten so used to being depressed that I'm confused. I just don't know anymore. Even in my dreams and thoughts I am utterly void of sanity. I hope I find a light soon, then maybe I can crawl out of this hole.